


the finish line's a good place we could start

by thetruthmayvary



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-05
Updated: 2012-11-05
Packaged: 2017-11-18 01:39:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/555459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetruthmayvary/pseuds/thetruthmayvary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick wishes that everything was still a game and Harry just wishes Nick hadn't announced his love for him on the radio.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the finish line's a good place we could start

Nick keeps a straight face as he throws the grey sweater in the _give away_ pile.  He tries to convince himself that it shrunk in the wash and is no good for him anymore anyway, but since lying to yourself it's the easiest and the hardest thing to do all at once, he still can't keep Harry's face away from his thoughts as he decidedly gets rid of one of the last material links to the curly-haired lad.

He goes through a few more sweaters and t-shirts, throwing one of each to the pile on his bad, and putting the rest back in his closet.

He remembers when sorting his clothes used to be fun. When he was younger and has just started making a decent amount of money to afford himself more clothes that he actually needed, and when, alongside everything else, it used be just a fun game.

He wonders why he ever stopped playing it. Or stopped playing in general.

He walks to the kitchen, opens a fridge and gets himself a beer. It's cold and refreshing and reminds him of festivals and movie nights and for a moment it makes him feel good. He forgets about the harsh words being spoken about him, about his job that's hanging on the line, about that pipe in the bathroom that he needs to get repaired and most importantly about those disappointed green eyes boring into his with an intensity that makes him want to set himself on fire. But it's all just for a moment.

It's not that he wasn't expecting Harry to be angry. He was, he _really_ was, only Harry wasn't exactly _angry_. He was wretched, disillusioned, heartbroken even. It was hurtful to watch. It's like Nick expected a thunder storm, but all he got was a quiet downpour.

So now Nick's angry. He's angry at himself, and he's angry at Harry and he's angry at everybody else for being such clueless idiots.

He realizes he's never really been angry at people before. At least not long-term angry – he would usually make a joke of it all, and people would laugh and there was really no chance for anger to linger.

But that was when life was still just a game. When Harry was just a game. It was a fun time, he concludes. Harry was a shiny new friend, who happened to be a pop-star, which gave Nick a thousand of opportunities to tease him.  He was funny and kind and charming and sort of awkward at times (well, he still is all those things, Nick had to remind himself, he just won't get to enjoy them anymore) and he got along more naturally with him than almost anybody else in his life.

It kind of sucks that he had to go and get obsessed with the boy and then proceed to fall in love with him.

 _Actually_ , all of that would have been all right, if he only hadn't announce it all on the radio. Yeah, that was where he screwed up.

He gets up to get another beer when his phone rings, so he pulls it out of his skinny jeans with difficulty while wondering why the hell is carrying his phone in his jeans around his house and he lets out a sigh when he sees that it's Matt calling.

“I'm not in the mood for any of your boring _guess what I did today_ stories, Finchy,” he says after putting the phone between his shoulder and ear to free his hands for the task of opening the beer can. “Or any of your lectures, either,” he adds after remembering the purpose of his last call.

 _“Relax, Grimmy, I'm just calling to remind you not to be late tomorrow_ ,” Matt says in what he thinks is a soft and soothing voice.

“I'm never late, what are you talking about?”

_“You used to never be late, but last week that changed.”_

“You know, that's your fault, I'm kept awake at night thinking about you,” Nick answers, smirking even though he knows Matt can't see him and taking a sip of his beer.

“ _Oh shut up, I think you made it clear two weeks ago that I'm not the one you think about at nights,”_ Matt shots back and Nick realizes that he still hasn't gone back to the _taking jokes lightly_ mood.

“Good night, Fincham,” he says and hangs up because he really doesn't need to be reminded of the incident.

-

Next morning, he isn't late for work, but he isn't there with of plenty of time to waste either. Matt doesn't complain, but Fiona gives him _a get it together_ look, so Nick decides against commenting on the state of her hair.

He is a professional after all, so he does the show just as well as usual, the only difference being that he doesn't mention One Direction or Harry Styles as often as he did a few weeks ago. He can't, however, avoid mentioning them at all, since their new single is still on top of the charts and he's expected to play it.  

“Next, we have Little things, by One direction,” he keeps the announcement short and when the song starts playing, he wishes he could bring back the time when he couldn't tell which one of the band members was singing which part, because now he has no difficulty distinguishing Harry's deep, brusque voice from the others.

And that doesn't really help him to achieve him his goal of not thinking about him.

At 11:30 he's ready to go home and get back to his lounging around and doing nothing, _maybe_ call his mum so she would stop harassing his friends by interrogating them about him.

So when Tina invites him out for lunch, it's only the fact that he skipped breakfast and is hungry as hell that makes him say yes.

They exit the studio and head towards the elevator, but Nick sees Paul and a woman he doesn't know down in the hallway, so he turns to Tina with a fixed expression.

“Fess up,” he orders because there’s no way Paul is here for social reasons.

“One direction are doing a live lounge,” she says reluctantly.

“And you obviously thought I couldn't handle it, 'cause you know, I'm a weepy 12 year old girl.”

“We just wanted to make it easier.”

“We? There's a whole team of you on a mission to keep me away from Harry Styles? Wait, is that why Finchy took over tweeter today? He didn't want me to see the tweets about it?”

“He didn't want you to say anything about it on the show, their management is already deep enough up his ass,” she says, lowering her voice to make sure they’re not overheard.

“Not as deep as I'm going to be when I see him tomorrow,” Nick shots back and Tina laughs, so Nick freezes for a moment and says “Wait, that's not what I meant.”

“Let's just go eat,” Tina suggests, but before they manage to enter the elevator, someone calls Nick's name and he turns around to see Harry rushing towards him.

“Well, mission unsuccessful,” Tina murmurs and laughs quietly, but Nick doesn't hear – he's too preoccupied with staring at Harry's flustered face.

“Umm...Hi,” Harry says, readjusting the beanie on his head.

“Hey, Harry. How you've been?” Nick asks, trying to sound casual.

“Not too good actually,” Harry admits, and he gives Tina a look that she clearly takes as her clue to get lost, so she gets in the elevator, sending a quick “I'll just wait downstairs” to Nick.

“And why is that? I personally think California is lovely this time of year,” Nick offers after nodding to Tina in agreement.

“I didn't like it.”

“Was there one too many screaming girls? Or someone flashed you again? That's always traumatizing.”

“I'm not talking about California,” Harry says impatiently, laughing despite of himself. “I'm talking about this...When they passed everything you said as a joke.”

“Yeah, I didn't like that either. I mean it's _so_ unconvincing, I never joke around.”

“You're a very serious guy,” Harry agrees, smiling.

“Yeah, I am, everybody knows that,” Nick says, surprised that Harry’s playing along, but not so surprised when he goes back to being serious again.

“You're not going to ask me why I didn't like it?”

“Why didn't you like it, Harry Styles?”

“Because it's not a joke to me. And I don't want it to end as such.”  Harry looks at him as he says that, and there’s nothing but sincerity in his eyes. But Nick still doesn’t understand.

“So you ran away because you didn't want it to end? That makes sense.”

“I didn't run away, we were filming the new video and then had that performance at-“

“Yeah, yeah, pop star business, I get it,” Nick interrupts.

Harry looks down and smiles for a second, before he looks right at him again. “Does me coming back here because I don't want it to end make any sense?”

“A little bit,” Nick answers. “I _was_ having doubt about you being here solely for the purpose of being on live lounge, mean, what singer comes to a radio station for _that_?”

Harry now smiles wide enough for his dimples to appear and it’s with that wonderful laughing tone in his voice that he says “Yeah, that was just a stupid excuse to see your silly face.”

“Silly?”

“Sorry, meant to say gorgeous,”

“That's more like it,” Nick approves and as Harry steps closer and smirks, he already knows that he’ll regret giving that grey sweater away.

“So can we meet up later? You could come to my place tonight,” Harry offers.

Nick agrees a little too swiftly. “Okay, I'll meet you there around 8?”

“Yeah, okay,” Harry responds and as he spares a look at a woman who’s been waving him over for a whole minute now, he quickly adds “I got to go.”

“Yeah, me, too.”

“See you at 8 then.”

“Yeah, see you,” Nick calls after him and wonders why being in love with someone makes it so easy to say yes to them.

-

“So he said he didn't want it to end, but he failed to mention the fact that his management is trying to make you look like a pathetic idiot just to keep the image that he's straight?” Tina asks 30 minutes later as Nick devours his Spaghetti Bolognese, and Nick realizes that that wasn't even one of the reasons he was wondering if he should go to Harry's after all – the only question he's been asking himself is how Harry went from wretched to whatever the hell he was now in course of two weeks, and he himself was still angry.

“Well, I think he said he didn't like what they're doing.”

“You _think_?”

“He's a nice guy, Tina,” Nick says because he doesn't like the way her face scrunches when she talks about him.

“I know,” Tina answers immediately. “But so are you.”

Nick doesn't say anything to that, stuffing a mouthful to have an excuse for staying quiet.

-

In the end, he decides to go to Harry's place after all, because he doesn't know how to do things, so he wouldn't know how to explain to him why he didn't show up. Besides, he wants to see him.

Harry answers the door wearing the same clothes he saw him at the studio in.

“Hey,” he greets with a smile and steps aside to let Nick in.

“Hi,” Nick says, taking his coat off and hanging it on an ornamented wooden coat hanger he helped Harry pick up during one of their trips to an antique's market. It doesn't really fit with the rest of the furniture - Nick notices and he wonders why Harry hasn’t replaced it by now.

“So when did you get- “ he starts to ask but Harry locks his hands around his neck and presses his lips to his and he doesn't get the chance to finish that sentence.

Harry pushes him against the wall and it's different from how it usually was, because usually Nick was in charge. But as Harry bites on his lower lip and then shoves his tongue pass his lips, deepening the kiss, he decides that he doesn't really mind the change.

It feels good and it feels easy, but soon Nick realizes that he doesn't want to enjoy this now just to have another   I don't give a fuck, I do what I want  moment on the radio tomorrow. And that moment is bound to happen again because he knows that everything isn't as easy as it seems when Harry's tongue is in his mouth.

So he breaks the kiss, unwraps Harry's hands from around his neck and mutters  ”I have to go.”

“Why?” Harry wonders, his eyes shiny and his lips beautifully red.

“Because I'm old and it's past my bed time.”

“I thought we were good. “

“We are,” Nick assures him with more certainty then he feels. ”We're great, but I want to keep my job, you know. I grew quite fond of waking up in time for the early morning cartoons.”

“Nick-“

“Harry.”

“I actually don't have a problem with you keeping your job,” Harry says like that’s the only real issue.

“I know you don’t, but you're going to want me to lie again, and I will, and then I'll grow tired of it and I'll just blurt it all out once more and this time someone _will_ choke on their morning toast and alongside your management, I _will_ get sued by them, too.”

“I don't care. I mean, I don't want anyone to choke to death, but I highly doubt that’ll happen. And no one will sue you, I'll make sure of that.”

Harry takes his hand and intertwines their long fingers together and Nick has trouble keeping his mind from letting go of all the anger and all the problems.

Somehow he still manages to ask “If you don't care now, why did you care so much two weeks ago?”

“I didn't care what people say,” Harry responds, looking bothered that Nick would even think such a thing. “I was just hurt because you rat us out without even talking about it to me first. Hiding out just came naturally to me, I didn't even know you really minded.”

Nick starts thinking about how wrong the statement “hiding out just came naturally to me” sounds and even though most of the time he spends with Harry he doesn’t feel any older than him, at this moment he’s reminded that he actually is.

Harry obviously misinterprets Nick’s silence as him being lost for words, so even though Nick could think of many things to say, Harry is the first one to speak again.

“Can we just start again? Not being bothered by hiding and all of that?

“That’s a great idea– better than tea hangers even,” Nick agrees and means it – it’s probably what he wanted all along.

Harry grins at that, so Nick’s pretty sure that he’s remembering the time they were watching Sherlock Holmes on DVD at his place, and how when they wanted to make tea together later, Harry pulled out this adorable little plastic tea hanger, that looks exactly like the ones for your closet, but tinier. Nick was so enthralled by them that Harry gave him some to take home (he’s probably going to have to ask for some more – since he got rid of the ones he had).

 He grins in return, so Harry kisses him again, and this time Nick doesn’t pull away.


End file.
